Im fading
sick of complaining.
life likes to throw bricks
why not put self harm in the mix?
some find it is a fix
a way to escape life's unwanted kicks.
it's not like i use a knife
I still wanna live my life,
might live to be a wife.
fight on for the hope,
but you may never learn how to cope.
Friday, 25 March 2011
Thursday, 24 March 2011
the urge to SI
I have the worst urge to hurt myself, I feel like such an idiot because the last time i harmed was yesterday and im so close to doing it again. today has been a bad day disablity wise, i have little control of my body im craving the control. the mad thing is i don't know if i have enough control of my body to harm. regardless of the control issue I am fighting the urge to harm, recently my self harm is almost an impluse. an impuse to gain the control my medical conditions don't allow. I have no idea what to do
welcome to my life
two medical condions i should have learnt to deal with by now, erm I mean i was born with them, but with C.P you never know what you will be able to do when you wake up it's life on a rolercoaster
" will I have to ask someone to help me out of bed?" I mean I know there is always someone worse off then you, but I keep the presure of these conditions to myself and drove myself to self harm to have the control that I crave. sitting in bed typing this im thinking to myself I should really stop complaining, I use a wheelchair fine so do alot of people, I have these condition so do plenty of other people, so why am i complaining here right now? I really don't know, I refuse to talk about or complain about how my conditions make me feel verbally because I feel like it should not be an issue and i do not want to bother people.Today is one of those days where I have a serve urge to self harm but I haven't enough control to do so. my body is taken over by pain that I can't justify in my head or control.
" will I have to ask someone to help me out of bed?" I mean I know there is always someone worse off then you, but I keep the presure of these conditions to myself and drove myself to self harm to have the control that I crave. sitting in bed typing this im thinking to myself I should really stop complaining, I use a wheelchair fine so do alot of people, I have these condition so do plenty of other people, so why am i complaining here right now? I really don't know, I refuse to talk about or complain about how my conditions make me feel verbally because I feel like it should not be an issue and i do not want to bother people.Today is one of those days where I have a serve urge to self harm but I haven't enough control to do so. my body is taken over by pain that I can't justify in my head or control.
I have the worst headache going that could be a common headache or because or epilepcy another thing that you can't control you never know if you will fit or what you will be like after. dr's said they thought I had grown out of it and then a year and a bit ago they say it's back I just want control of things.
I WANT TO SCREAM !
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